Terrible Uses for Common Plants - In the Garden

You know when you suggest doing something almost as a thought experiment, and then everyone gets all excited so you have to do it? And you know that moment when you think about it and you realise its a much bigger project than you thought it was going to be? Yeah. That.

To cut a long story short someone tweeted some really, really bad advice about injecting herbal abortifacient herbs. The kind of advice that could very quickly lead to death if followed. And I suggested, half in jest, that I should take pictures of garden and wild plants and blog about some of the truly dumb uses to which they have been put. And everyone loved the idea, so now I've got to do it.

But its a bigger job than can be done in one blog post! So I'm going to aim to do maybe one of these every couple of weeks, the brief being very simple. (1) I need to find the plant somewhere and take a picture of it, (2) I'll talk about the plant, where its found, maybe some folk lore and (3) I'll point out at least one truly awful use to which it has been put.

I'm going to start with some of the most mundane plants imaginable. In fact, they're all in my own garden. And their herbal uses range from reasonable through to terrifying and just plain silly.

Here goes...

Southernwood (Artemisia abrotanum)

This is one of my favourite garden plants, being wonderfully aromatic, pleasingly rugged, and providing a greyish green textural splash of colour. Its also easy to cultivate from cuttings and tolerant of most garden situations. I always keep some of it growing on the outside of my front hedge where it can be rubbed for the smell. Some years the children playing in the front street rub most of the leaves off for the smell, which is fine, thats what the plant is for. It is NOT for abortions. Thats a really bad idea. But I'll get to that.

Some of the common names give away its historical uses. It has been called 'garderobe', due to the smell supposedly putting off clothes moths and other insects. Does that work? Not in my wardrobe. And it has also been called 'old man' and 'lads love', probably referring to the quaint notion that it might promote facial hair if burned and applied in a lotion (spoiler: it won't). 

Southernwood is one of the wormwoods, closely related to plants like mugwort (Artemisia vulgaris) and has many of the same sinister traditional uses. It is when we turn to how this plant is viewed in intimate relationships that encounter bitter sweet names suggestive of  more a sinister use. 'Lads Love', 'Maids Ruin' and 'Lovers Plant'. It was believed that this plant was an emmenagogue, or in other words in large enough doses it is meant to stimulate menstrual flow. Yes, thats right, if you were late for your period you might take an enormous dose of this plant in the hope that you might recover the situation by, errm, bleeding. 

The wormwoods contain compounds such as eucalyptol and thujone, which both stimulate fluid flow at mucosal membranes and act to stimulate uterine muscles. The word 'emmenagogue' is a good one to look out for in old herbal texts, because while it literally means 'to bring on menstrual flow' it is usually used euphemistically for 'to bring on an abortion'. This up an extraordinarily dangerous thing to do, risking neurological damage in an unborn child (if it doesn't work as an abortifacient) and permanent harm to the woman attempting an abortion this way. It is worth remembering that in days gone by options for women seeking to control their own fertility were few and far between, and while individuals were no more stupid than they are now the degree of desperation an unwanted pregnancy could cause in an era when that could mean ruin drove people to extreme remedies.

While a small amount of southernwood in liver gravy is delicious, rather like a little sprig of its wild relative mugwort is likewise a fine and according to some a traditional ingredient in a tomato pasta sauce, please remember that Artemisia can cause internal bleeding, nausea, and even potential neurological damage so eating these plants in best avoided. Its impossible to know how many people, historically, were harmed by this, or indeed how many were made to look ridiculous by wearing it on their faces in place of beards. But please, please, please, if you have a morning after 'situation' to handle, go to a pharmacist. For the love of spaghetti, don't attempt a home herbal abortion.

Thyme (Thymus vulgaris) 

I go back and forward as to whether thyme is my favourite culinary herb. Its certainly delicious, in all of its forms. I've gathered it wild on mountains in Crete, as a garden escapee in Northumberland, and I'm never without a few plants in the herb bed. You can buy a pot of it from the supermarket for about a quid, split it into multiple pots, harden it off in Spring and plant it out. It will thrive anywhere with some sun. In the kitchen it is wonderful with chicken, beef, pulses, root vegetables, indeed its hard to think of what it doesn't go with. But thats not to say that some of the purposes to which it has been put aren't, well, stupid.

Wild Thyme, Thymys polytrichus in Dorset

Cultivated Thyme, Thymus vulgaris

The Thyme you'll most likely encounter is of course the culinary kind, and whichever variety you're growing its a variant of Thymus vulgaris. Of the three wild species in Britain the most common is T. polytrichus, which I find to be almost as tasty as the culinary type. All species contain the compound thymol, which is a phenolic compound that is a passable antiseptic, and which imparts the aroma and flavour of the plant.

While its not likely that you'll ever do yourself any harm eating it, I wouldn't recommend following any of the ancient herbalist advice. It isn't going to cure you of whooping cough, as was once believed, nor is it going to 'release trapped gas' or act to protect you from having nightmares, as Culpeper suggested. Nor is it likely effective against warts or sciatica. Gerard insists that it will cure leprosy (it won't - Mycobacterium leprae is a hell of microbe to take on armed only with herbs). And whatever the ancient Romans or Greeks believed, burning thyme as incense won't make you more courageous in battle.

Rosemary (Rosemarius officinalis)

Another essential cullinary herb, and another that is easy to grow and to use. Best grown from cuttings, and its a good idea to do so every couple of years because it has a habit of growing to full size, thriving for a while and then unexpectedly dying. It was, hilariously, believed that it would grow for at most 33 years until it reached the height of Jesus, and that its blue flowers were obtained when Mary spread her blue cloak over the bush en route to Egypt.

Most of its herbal uses are relatively harmless. Its likely that the phenolic compounds extracted from it can have some antimicrobial activity, and as an ingredient in soaps, hair washes and the like it is most pleasant. Perhaps this is why some of its more bizarre supposed characteristics are to do with how men and women interact. It was believed that a man who was unmoved by the smell of rosemary was incapable of loving a woman. And as if that isn't weird enough, it was also believed that if rosemary thrived in a garden that was a sign that the man was not master of the house, but that the woman was. Now what precisely this alludes to is somewhat lost in time, but the link between rosemary and sexuality may also be part of why in it formed part of wedding bouquets up until the renaissance.

Just in case it isn't clear - in real life Rosemary neither knows how tall Jesus was and is not a determinant of how 'manly' a man is. It is in fact just a very tasty, very easy to grow herb that is quite agonostic as to your gender. 

Parsley (Petroselinum crispum)

Few herbs get more of a bum rap in folklore and traditional use than parsley does. I mean to us its a harmless garnish and unsung hero of many a cooked dish. But to the ancient and indeed medieval mind it is a far more sinister creature. The Greeks saw it as emblematic of death, and in Britain this is another herb associated with women being in charge of a household, although confusingly if a virgin germinated the seeds she would be doomed to have the devils own children. And if you're not a virgin you should still sow nine times more seed than the plants you require (because it has to go to hell and back nine times to germinate), and only on Good Friday, because then the Devils link to the plant is broken by that. But, in truth, whichever variety you grow (be it one of the old English curled leaf varieties or the trendy Italian flat leaf) its an easy plant to grow by sowing in modules in Spring, and plant it out wherever is most convenient for the kitchen. Yes, I know, I'm tempting (traditional) fate by transplanting it because that brings bad luck for, oh, I dunno, reasons. Something to do with the spirits that protect the plant.

If the fish in your pond were sick, Pliny believed that Parsley would cure them. And Gerard informs us that if you boil up the roots and the seed you've a cure for poisoning. Neither of these claims seem to have any truth to them. 

It is tempting to assume that much of this lore is associated with parsley having a wide range of lethally dangerous relatives. Many in the carrot family (to which this belongs), including things like hemlock and water dropwort, are immensely harmful. Or perhaps it could be because one of its constituents, apiol, is responsible for the fact that some in ancient Greece used it as an abortifacient (as noted by Hippocrates). In fact apiol in various derived forms was sold for this purpose until frighteningly recently, as can be seen from cases of death as a side effect of apiol abortions described in the Lancet as recently as 1957. It can cause liver and kidney damage, and many deaths were associated with it.

As ever, and I can't believe that anyone on the internet maintains otherwise, I must advise that herbal abortions are a bad, bad idea. But lets be ever so glad that, for most of us, in most places, there is no longer a need for this.